OMG! LOL! WTF! BBQ!
Wait a minute. Hold on. You’re telling me you really and truly believe you talk to Gods? That’s fucking hilarious! You believe that your whining about doctors not giving a shit about your symptoms is somehow spiritual? Call the fucking waaaabulance! You gotta read this shit!
It’s come to my attention that I’ve attracted a new kind of reader: that which thinks this blog is comedy gold, full of mock-worthy griping and grandiose spiritual shit. I’d like to address some of that, if I may.
I have absolutely no issue with people who read my blog for sport. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Regretsy people. I read that forum all the way through. I may actually comment on it some day.) As a trickster, providing amusement is just as good an outcome of this blog as providing spiritual support. Although I find it curious, since most of my posts are about things like me needing surgery or seeing a new doctor, but I admit I read other blogs that are written in earnest, but I read them because I find them hilarious. Have you ever read stuff by the Christian “Traditional Household” people? It’s pretty good, and always picks me up when I’m feeling down.
It should be noted that I do not take myself as seriously as some may think. I have a tendency to call my Gods “My Imaginary/Invisible Friends”. I don’t expect anyone to believe me, or anything I say about my personal spiritual experience. I’m not here to win converts or get rich or start a cult. I’m definitely not grifting – I did write one post in which I listed some things that people could do for me that would make my life a little nicer, but I was super clear that I am not in any financial need and made sure to list things like “donate to a charity” and “write me an email” that were just as, if not more important to me, than “buy me shit”. It’s also worth noting that as of this writing, no one, in fact, bought me shit. I have a hard enough time getting paid for doing real work, much less having presents fall out the sky.
I also don’t think I deserve anything from anybody for any reason. I do not believe that being sick, being a shaman, being a blogger, or anything else, entitles me to anything more or better than any other person on the planet. The only thing I get from being all those things is more responsibility. Not only do I have to live up to my spiritual commitments, but I have to serve as a role model and mentor for people who share those experiences with me. I have to hold myself to a much higher standard, know and deal with my flaws in a very honest way, and never expect the Universe to rain down gift certificates just because I’m not feeling well that day. I have to live up to my commitments even when my body rebels, because I have to prove to myself as well as those who employ me that I’m still a viable human being who contributes to the world in some way. I think most other disabled people, especially those who are chronically ill, would understand that.
I am not going to defend myself or what I write here. In fact, I openly invite those who doubt or question the veracity of what I write to call me out in the comments. Unlike other bloggers, I don’t moderate comments, nor do I delete them, just because the poster doesn’t agree with me or wants to pull the piss a little. All I ask, and I ask this with all sincerity, is that you don’t mess with other commenters. Whether you think I’m funny or you think I’m serious, there are some people who read this blog because it makes them feel less alone in their experience of chronic illness, and I will become Mama Honey Badger in their defense. Say whatever the hell you want about me, I’m a big boy with big boy panties and I can take it. But leave my commenters alone.
The realization that this blog is open to the public, and therefore open to public scrutiny, is part of the whole point. My intended audience are people who know me personally, or who have had significant online exposure to me, or who have read things I have written. The practical side of this blog is so I don’t have to answer thirty different emails from people asking me how I’m doing and how things are progressing medically. I can write it all out here, and they can read it when they feel like. For me, my spiritual journey is all tied up in my medical stuff, and so sometimes it’s hard to write an entry that’s merely about one without the other. I try, because I know some people who read this could give two shits about what my spiritual thoughts are on anything, or what god I think I’m talking to this week, or my random capitalization of the word “Work”. And I know that strangers who read this blog don’t have the foundational understanding that I’m actually a pretty well-respected voice in both the Neopagan community, as well as the Spirit Work/Neoclassical Shamanic community. But I have no need to prove this to strangers; if you’re just here because OMG The Devil Made Me Blog, I’m totally cool with that too.
So welcome. Take a seat. Have some popcorn and beverage-of-choice. Don’t feel that you have to mask where you come from; you can click that link without worrying that I’ll get all butthurt. I’ve got other shit to worry about, and honestly, I could use a little mocking from time to time. Keeps me honest. So thanks for that.
PS. Yes, it’s kinda a wall-o-text. It’s how I write. If that’s annoying, you might as well give up now. But come on! Scrooge McDuck!